Thursday, 2 January 2014

2014 - and so it begins...


The first day back at work, the usual shower, the usual train journey, the usual copy of the inky wet Metro free newspaper from the train station to help focus my pre 9am eyes.

Miley Cyrus. I know...that’s soooo 2013, but apparently she has started early and now gone all "bi-sexual"...well that'll help flog a few more copies of the latest track she's pushing...Didn't do any harm for Katy Perry after all. It all appears so desperate you can't help but just roll your eyes like some stroppy teenager getting a lecture from your parents discussing your 10pm curfew. This story has been done over and over through the years and like all the heroin addicted rock stars there is only ever 2 outcomes. With Miss Cyrus I think the path is already planned and pencilled in her diary for the next few years to correspond with her albums, video music award shows and live gigs. As I button my Mystic Meg cape of magic I predict the following steps in her career over the next 12 months.

*January - "I'm Bi-Sexual, I LOVE girls...phwooorh I can't get enuff of them"

February - "I have a sex tape, but it's under lock and key"

March - "I don't want to be marginalised as just a sex object, I'm really smart" (Possibly a Piers Morgan interview)

April - "I've found the man of my dreams (he's a bad boy!), but my Dad hates him...I think I'm pregnant"

May - "My engagement with Al-Qaeda general called off as our schedules clash too much"

June - "I wouldn't call myself religious, more spiritual"

July - "Yes, I've taken some Scientology courses, they really helped me"

August - "I'm travelling to India to explore the country, religion, people and to watch 'Slumdog Millionaire' in an open air cinema.

September - "It wasn't a suicide bid but just a cry for help and accidental overdose"

October - "I've found Jesus again, my dad is over the moon"

November - "Me and my Dad have recorded a gospel album"

December - "I have no comment on the recent tax issues I've had and if found guilty of fraud will give all the money back"

2015 - New Judge on UK X-Factor named.*

*= may be fictitious.

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