Tuesday, 14 September 2010

SACRED COWS

"sacred cows make the best burgers"...indeed. In a world that seems to hold artists and celebrity so high on a pedestal its sometimes fun to look through the glitter and objectively think "is it actually any good?".

Sacred cows is a little section where albums,bands,movies,books will be re-assessed and given the new fresh once over. Do they deserve the 5 star status they get.

1- The Police - no not the metropolitan truncheon wielders rather the annoying new wave pop skankers. Sting. Just his name should be enough, who thought that sounded good? But this is about the music not the regrettable fashion mistakes or dodgy winged pants (see Dune) I was born in 1981 so heard The Police as they released songs although wasn't in the frame of mind to actually listen, rate and consider whether it was any good, as at the time I was pondering the chance of another Rusk biscuit or trying to get my shoe's on the right foot. They are given a high place and ranking among the rock élite and with everyone from Puff Daddy/P.Diddy/Diddy covering and sampling their work they must be great right?

I don't get it. Whiney white boy cod reggae and a fake accent so bad it'd make Ray Davies from The Kinks ja-faken accent seem genuine. It always seems that Sting is at the very top of his register and is one step away from a vein popping in his golden temple. "Every Breath you take" a song about a stalker turned into a wedding first dance song? "Walking on the moon"...ooh imagine that...only been a decade since It’d ACTUALLY happened boys...what's the next hit "Imagine Colour TV?"...I also blame Andy Summers for introducing the whole 80's guitar tone, that horrible chorus clean effect guitar that sounds like the Casio watch of the guitar tone world. In a side note I was stuck watching his solo show as he supported the vastly superior Buddy Guy at the Royal Festival Hall a few years back and this guy really does have Van Gogh’s ear for music and jazz is something he should stay away from especially when everything he plays sounds like a John Hughes soundtrack outtake.

Stuart Copeland, technically a amazing drummer and the fact he had the words "fuck-off-you-cunt" on his drums/toms so every fill was in fact a shot at Sting means he's the only one with some credibility in all this. and considering it’s by schoolboy behind the bike sheds swearing doesn't say a lot.

The Police? Criminal..life without parole.

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